A NEW BEGINNING OF MODERATE RECOGNITION

Things are looking bleak this dreary week as students trudge their way back to the sickly, disease-ridden rathole that is Waco, TX with only the purpose of bearing through another plethora of listless, undignified lectures and labs for the 2010-11 year. Getting back into the schooltime groove after a long, hard, booze-filled summer can be difficult if not downright impossible for some, which is why we here at the Noble NoZe (satch!) have created a short list of ideas and activities to get you geared up and ready for anything Ken Starr and his cronies might throw at you!

1) Procrastinate: You only have so much summer left. Do you really want to spend it unpacking your new apartment or catching up on your summer reading list?

2) Get Drunk: Nothing gets you back into the swing of college like throwing back a few with your frat-buds after a good party and an elephant walk or two. Old habits die hard, after all.

3) Attend Late Night at the SLC: If for no other reason, you get to enjoy watching all the freshmen squirm as they attempt to interact with one another in an over-crowded environment constructed to give the illusion of innocence and enjoyment while only bringing about feelings of awkwardness and discomfort... and that's when you peg them with a dodgeball.

4) Get Drunk: What? It's a good idea.

May the rest of your year be as familiarly miserable as my own. Here's to another year of distinguished suffering!